He’s completely surrounded by men all day. His latest observation renews my belief that we need a major marriage revolution in our society.
Apparently, one day while we were chatting via text during his break, his coworkers started in on him.
“Can she not go the whole day without talking to you?”
“Is she so insecure that you have to check in with her all the time?”
“I wouldn’t put up with a needy woman like that.”
He came home and told me about it with the attitude of a duck. He just lets it roll off his back because, as he says: “They have no idea.”
He’s completely right.
They have no idea that everyday at morning coffee break he sends me a quick text just to let me know he’s thinking of me because he likes to talk to me, not because of the fallout if he doesn’t.
They have no idea that we have a relationship that we both feel blessed to be a part of – and to contribute to.
We are far from having it all together, for sure. But we have it so much more together than we did, it’s ridiculous. And that is simply because we started getting better information and stopped flying on autopilot.
Seems like there is a lot of good relationship information out there.
If the consensus is that talking to the women you love throughout the day is a bad thing, though, perhaps more is needed.
Don’t people choose each other because they want to be together? When does that change? Does it have to change?
I don’t think so. And I, by no means, think all the blame lies with the men.
We, as women, have incredible power to change our relationships.
I wonder what those men’s wives and girlfriends are like to be around at home that they don’t want to talk to them when they’re away.
3 Things Women Can Do To Start a Revolution in Their Marriage
1. Read from someone who has a great marriage
For heaven’s sake, with the rate of divorce and unhappiness in relationship, no one should feel immune. There is wisdom to be had that can help us be on the right side of the statistic.
2. Check out the plank in your own eye before you worry about the speck in his
Also known as, “Fix your junk!” and “Unload your baggage”.
Chances are, past hurts are still messing things up for you. Life can leave us with a distorted lens. If you haven’t done the work to fix it… well, picture playing Jenga in a fun-house mirror.
No success much.
3. Become obsessed with forgiveness. Forgive him. All the time.
Is changing how you think easy? No.
It’s not any easier for him. Have some grace and compassion. He’s struggling to figure this thing out, just like you.
The other half of forgiveness is to forgive yourself.
You can’t make him forgive you when you mess up. But, you’ve learned to be you over 20 years or more, I’ll bet. If you’re trying to change your behaviour, you need grace for yourself.
When you mess up, apologize. Then forgive yourself, drop it like a cloak in the road and try again.
Preaching to the choir
Preaching to the choir doesn’t effect much change unless you get the choir preaching.
If you’re reading this, you probably get it already. Good relationships with our spouses are intentional.
If you’re not being intentional, start. If you are, then don’t hide if from the world. Don’t tone it down or conform when you’re in public so you don’t stick out.
Be unusual. Get noticed.
Find a way to make others notice that there is a better way.
Personally, I write here and we run a business that is about teaching people how to think differently.
Find your way. Find your audience and start a revolution. A marriage revolution!
I’m so excited to hear about the changes that you’re making – big and small! Please let me know what a marriage revolution means to you and how you’re contributing.
Check out the previous story in the Tales from the Construction Site series.