Comparison Game | Comparison is the Thief of Joy

“I could never do that. I could never be as good/pretty/smart as she is.”

Comparison. It might smack you in the face. Or, it might be a wordless idea in your heart.

I’m just going to call us out and say that we, as women, are good at it.

We do it in a millisecond, without even being aware that we’ve done it. It can be a silent proclamation that we’re ‘not enough’. Or, when we’re the ones being seen as unreachable, it’s often an invisible wall that isolates us from other hearts.

I’m sure men do it, too. Maybe in a similar way. I just can’t speak to that, never having been a man.

have been on both ends of the comparison demon, though. I’ve had other women feel intimidated by something that I’m doing and I’ve felt awed and frozen by what someone else has accomplished. Either way, it’s no good.

Comparison leads to nothing but the death of dreams. It’s a lie from the pit, that women fall for way too often. 

For example, it’s almost 11pm on Thursday  7:30pm on Monday, and I’m still trying to get this last week’s post out. I’ve committed to posting either Tuesday or Thursday morning, so I’m 15 one hundred and eight, or so, hours late.

There is a tiny idea, in my heart, that other bloggers – successful bloggers – don’t miss deadlines. Thank the Lord that it isn’t a raging monster of an idea, because it easily could be. If I had messed up in another area of my life, where I am less sure of myself, I would be in a state.

Here’s what I know about my writing that doesn’t let the comparison demon take me out:

Though I’ve missed my target by a hefty distance, it doesn’t change the fact that God gifted me with the ability to write. My messing it up doesn’t change anything about me; not my ability to write what’s on my heart, nor the value God puts on my life.

Unchanged.

That’s the lie comparison sells us. It says that our value changes, based on whether we’re doing better or worse than others.

Comparison magnifies and falsifies someone else’s gifting – even their value as a person – and shrinks our own down to microscopic proportions.

It makes our mistakes huge, and makes the mistakes of others insignificant. It can make us afraid to step out and use our gifts. It produces fear of judgement; mostly our own judgement on ourselves. I have much experience with this.

Writing, sports, parenting, faith. Even love. There are so many areas where I can compare, and find myself wanting.

Sadly, when we, as women, compare ourselves with others, many of the others seem all too ready to participate in our sadistic game. As mothers, as wives, in our faith, in our fitness.

Are you lead by the Got-it-more-together club?

I’ve done it myself and often heard it from others; women being caught up in an intimidating circle of Who-Has-It-More-Together?

Even more sadly, Christian women are as prone to perpetuating the comparison between each other as non-Christian women. Maybe even more so.

There is no prize for ‘most Christian’ because there is no such thing. There is no one look; no one personality. They aren’t the Appearances of the Spirit. They’re the Fruits of the Spirit, and skill at comparison and judgement is not one. 

Quite the opposite. 

The same one who gave us our gifts, gives us our value, and he’s supposed to be the one who leads us, not the Who-Has-It-More-Together club.

Not the lady next door, or in the next pew, who seems to have perfected being alive. And, certainly not the part of me who believes the enemy’s lie about my value being based on my performance.

In this life, there is no ‘good enough’ standard to arrive at. Our destination is actually a journey that Jesus leads us on. 

Maybe it’s time we start treating other women like old friends we’ve run into while we’re traveling. Lets just be happy to see them, instead of jostling for position in line ahead of them, or beating ourselves up because we’ll never catch up.

They’re not going exactly where we’re going. And they didn’t start at the same spot. Just smile, greet them warmly and wish them a good journey!

CAN YOU RELATE?

I write stories from my own journey to inspire you in yours. It's more than okay to be authentic and real as you grown in faith and I want you to know you're not alone.

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