No brag this morning. Just what is truly on my heart. Enjoy!
So do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
This is a question that a great lady once asked me when I was complaining to her about my spouse. At the time, it hit me that she was probably right but I didn’t really get it like I do now. Looking back, she could have asked: Do you want to be right or do you want to be married? Yikes!
I think a lot of the time when we’re complaining about our spouses, we’re thinking that we know how things ‘should’ go. And we’re unhappy because they aren’t going that way. But what if what we learned growing up isn’t how things should go? What if there is a ‘way things work’ and we don’t know it?
That’s where I was at. I felt sure that I knew how a marriage relationship should work and what it should look like. But I was mistaken. Pretty much everything I’d learned from the Big World was wrong, but accepted as right by the masses. And even more of what I learned from my own family experience was wrong, though I didn’t know it.
You didn’t know what you’d learned was wrong, Colleen?
How can that be?
What with a string of broken relationships as an example and only a few distant good marriages to learn from, how is it that you didn’t know?
Call it arrogance. Call it what you will. Personally, I don’t think a young person can keep getting up everyday and doing life if they believe that most of what they know is wrong. What kind of foundation is that? So I guess I just decided that it had to be right.
Feminists were the loudest voice in my world.
So they must be right.
Divorced or single people were the people I knew and hung around with the most.
So they must be right.
Have you checked your belief system lately?
Changing a firmly held belief system isn’t easy. (And I’m by no means done.) But in the words of another wise person I know:
“If you take the easy way out, your life will get harder. If you take the hard way out, your life will get easier.” – Claude Hamilton
If your relationship is not producing the fruit you want, try taking a closer look at your true belief system.
You may, academically, hold a belief system that is a great foundation. A biblical belief system, for example. But if you’re not seeing the fruit of that, you may want to dig deeper to see if you’re applying it properly into your thoughts on a daily basis.
Does that sound harsh? I don’t intend to offend. I simply want to encourage anyone who is not having the happy relationship they dream of to look first to how ‘right’ you have your thoughts. Does what you truly believe deep down really line up with what is proven to produce the fruit of a happy marriage?
Mine certainly didn’t. And, in the end, being right is nothing compared to having a great relationship. And I want that for you too!
Okay… Just a little.
In the end, I do have a little brag on Lenny this morning. Because, if I’ve been working on changing what I believe about relationships to include some things that actually work, kind of like a little body filler and touch up paint on an old car, then Lenny has been doing a full, body-off restoration.
Almost daily, I can look at him and wonder: How did he do that? How does he retrain his thinking to that degree?
It’s impressive and fun to watch. I get to spectate as he produces great fruit in so many areas of his life.
I challenge everyone – me included – to change enough to make your spouse (or, heck, your boss, your kids, your friends, even) ask:
How did they do that?
God bless and happy growing!